Each chapter in this book gives the reader new and crucial insights. Here are the major differences that are discussed in each chapter of this book. In chapter one here is a brief overview of what differences are going to be discussed in each chapter. In chapter two Dr. Gray talks about how men’s and women’s values are inherently different. He also talks about the two biggest mistakes we make in relating to the opposite sex: men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction. In chapter three Dr. gray talks about how men and women cope with stress differently. In chapter four Dr. Gray discusses how one can motivate the opposite sex. In chapter five he talks about why men and women misunderstand each other due to the fact that they speak different languages. In chapter six Dr. Gray discusses how men and women have different needs for intimacy.In chapter seven he discussed how women tend to love the opposite sex, and describes it as a rhythmic motion in the form of a wave. In chapter eight he discusses the type of love that each sex gives is the kind of love that particular gender seeks not what the opposite sex actually wants. In chapter nine Dr. Gray talks about how to avoid argument, and he also has suggestions to establish supportive communication. In Chapter ten Dr. gray discusses what to do for each other (men do for women and women do for men) that will keep each other happy. In chapter eleven he discusses ways to communicate with each other in difficult time, he also talks about sharing feelings as well in this chapter. In chapter twelve he talks about how to ask for support and get it for both the genders. In the final chapter of the book he discusses how to keep “the magic” alive between the man and the women. In each chapter of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus one discovers new secrets for creating loving and lasting relationships.
This book does make claims that are consistent with our text. As I go through the chapters I will point out the claims that the textbook makes goes hand in hand with the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
Starting out with chapter two in which dr. Gray discusses the two concepts of both genders; life on mars and life on Venus and he says that society has stereotyped Martians to value power and be independent. The Venusians have been stereotyped as valuing love, communication, and being more emotional than the man. This agrees with what Wood claim in the textbook. Julia Wood states “Differences in how women and men are defined reflect society’s views of women as decorative, emotional, and sexual and a man as being independent, active, and serious.” (Wood 109) The books claim is consistent with what Dr. Gray has to say in the book.
In chapter three Dr. Gray discusses how men and women cope with stress differently, he says that men tend to pull away and silently think about what’s bothering them, and women feel that they need to talk about what is bother them. This was very interesting because when we got married I always use to ask him what he was thinking about when we would have an argument, and he would get even more angry and stressed out because he would want me to leave him alone, and I wouldn’t. Well as the years have passed by I have learned leave him alone, and he has learned once he is okay and I give him his space, that he be ready to talk about the issue. So it is working just fine for us.
Next when we look at chapter four it discusses the fact that men always are motivated when they feel needed and wanted and women always are motivated at the thought of being cherished. This is quite interesting because when we look at the topic of education it is clearly stated by Wood “males are more important than females in the sheer amount of attention given by the teachers to the male students.” (Wood p. 242) Now it is interesting that this is what the studies indicate, because isn’t there a correlation between how needed they feel and how much attention they get from their teachers.
In chapter five Dr. Gray discusses the common misunderstanding that takes place during conversation between men and women because of the different language each of them speak. Relating this to what Deborah Tannen indicated in her book “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Communication” she believes “that women and men typically engage in distinctice styles of communication with different purposes, rules, and understandings of how to interpret talk.” (Tannen p. 42) This is very interesting because this explains why the misunderstanding takes place between the man and the women. Now in reference to what Wood indicates, she says, “because women and men have some dissimilar rules for talk, they often misread each other’s meanings and misunderstand each others motives.
In chapter six Dr. Gray discusses how men and women have different needs for intimacy, he says that the man gets close but needs to pull away, In chapter seven Dr. Gray talks about how a women’s loving attitude rises and falls rhythmically in the motion of a wave. Now relating this to our textbook in chapter seven we talk about gendered relationships, and the concept of autonomy and connection. What coincides with what Dr. Gray has to say and with what Wood is saying in the textbook is that both need a varied degree of autonomy and connection to maintain a successful relationship.
In Chapter eight of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, he discusses the kind of love each gender gives to the other, is the kind of love that the gender itself seeks not the one of the opposite gender. What he says is that men want the kind of love that is trusting, appreciative, and accepting, while women need the kind of love that is caring, understanding and respectful. Now going back to chapter seven in our discussion of gendered romantic relationships Carol Riessman states, “For many women she says closeness is identified with communicating deeply and closely, while for most men talk is not the centerpiece. The instrumental focus encouraged in men motivates them to show affection by doing things with or for others.” (Wood p. 216) This does go along with what Dr. Gray states, the showing affection for men by doing thing would cause them to be appreciated, and on the other hand the close communication would have women be very understanding and respectful. This is quite interesting to see how both variables correlate in both texts.
In chapter nine Dr. Gray discusses how to avoid painful arguments. He says that men invalidate a women’s feeling by always acting like they are right. Dr. Gray says that a woman always unknowingly sends a message of disapproval instead of disagreement hence lighting the fire of defense in the man. In the chapter nine of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus he says, “Just as communication is the most important element, an argument can be the most destructive element”. This point that he makes is so true in my marriage of almost three and a half years. When we argue about something his parents did to me or said to me it puts up his defense guards and in turn he says something that hurts my feelings.What I do is send a message of disapproval when I really should be disagreeing with him; it is just the words I say that turn the whole argument into this big huge fight. After finding out about this book I went and bought and it has served the purpose of a “BIBLE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE”. It particularly helped us with our arguments and how we worded statements that would make each other so angry. One thing that I have learned is that in marriage one really needs to decide which battles are worth picking and which are better left. I am slowly learning that I can’t change his parents, so it is better to change myself.
A book with a good sense of humor. The best part of it is that it explains the complexity of man, woman relationship very humorously. While any misunderstanding between the husband wife relationships, would result in blaming the spouse, or pondering of what is wrong with us.
The book clearly explains that these misunderstanding are neither to be blamed nor to regret. But they are quite normal. Some of the chapters like Men go to their caves and women talk, Men are like rubber bands clearly explains the basic qualities of any man. Similarly chapters like Women are like waves, which make one, understand the basic qualities of a women.
Truly this is the best book I have ever read. I